Indahnya Tahun Baru

Halo 2016! Sampah sekali ya blogger yang satu ini, kerjaannya cuma update di setiap awal tahun. Maaf. Ga berani janji tahun ini bakalan jadi ga sampah, tapi seenggaknya here I am, in front of my laptop, trying my best to write a meaningful and serious yet casual story just because I miss blogging so damn much.

Pada tulisan ini, gua akan membahas mengenai tahun baru, perayaannya, dan bagaimana gua menanggapinya.

Akhir tahun 2015 kemarin, tanggal 31, yang kebetulan jatuh di hari Kamis, gua sedang bersama teman-teman nongkrong di salah satu choir yang sedang gua ikuti saat ini. Kami ngobrol dan hangout sampai sekitar jam setengah sepuluh, lalu memutuskan untuk pulang karena 1) sudah malam takut dicariin mama, dan 2) salah satu dari kami harus pulang karena harus ibadah sama keluarganya. Pulanglah gua bersama motor gua yang kini usianya sudah menginjak tahun ke-lima-nya tapi alhamdulillah masih bisa jalan. Di jalan pulang, men suasanya semarak banget. Jalanan gak macet, belum mungkin, tapi ramainya buset hampir di setiap sudut jalan dan perempatan masuk gang. Bahkan di jalan masuk ke perumahan gua pun ramai parah sampai motor aja susah buat lewat gara-gara salon yang memang sudah berdiri di situ semejak gua lahir itu bikin panggung buat dangdutan.

But, I'm not complaining. Gua justru seneng ngeliatnya.

Bukan karena gua suka dangdut, bukan, tapi karena ramai dan semarak yang dibawa oleh fenomena tahun baru ke dunia kita ini. Gua baru aja searching di internet soal tahun baru dan men there's a lot of people cursing it, terutama jika dikait-kaitkan dengan agama yang saat ini gua yakini. Tapi buat gua, perayaan tahun baru ini bukan suatu bentuk mengikuti orang-orang barat yang memang berbeda keyakinan dengan kita, tapi lebih ke bentuk perayaan sekaligus suatu titik untuk memulai lembaran baru. Ibaratnya suatu titik dimana kita bisa mulai lagi dari awal.

Jadi indahnya tahun baru buat gua, adalah semarak dan ramai yang dibawanya. Lebih indahnya lagi, dia jadi tempat untuk istilahnya start fresh, membuat janji-janji dan mimpi-mimpi baru. Karena memang terkadang, yang kita perlu cuma a brand new start. Itu indahnya tahun baru buat gua.

Hello, 2015!

So, it's 2015 already, huh? It has been a year since the last time I posted on this blog, so if there were a blogger award, I would be the worst blogger ever. Or even if I would not, it probably because my existence as blogger was questioned.

But I don't want that, so here I am. I am going to start rebuilding my existence as a blogger with sharing a few of my 2015 resolution that I think are less embarrassing and most important. So, here they are.

1. read 50 books
2. watch 100 movies
3. make review of the best movies of every twenty five
4. travel more
5. live in the moment
6. be religious
7. be spontaneous
8. get advanced in guitar
9. write more
10. be smart
11. have a good hygiene
12. be serious academically
13. participate more often
14. have a journal
15. have a timeline
16. stick to timeline
17. have a monthly target
18. be kind
19. be generous
20. be nice to others
21. be nicest to parents
22. be indipendent
23. be happy
24. smile more
25. make more jokes

And, that was it :)

What Happened, Recently

So, it's 2014, already? Happy new year, then.

I want to start this year off with an apologize to you, Blog. I'm sorry for not updating you for such a long time. I'm sorry, I really am. The past six months for me have been very... wow I can't even find a word to describe it. It's been very hard, very tiring, stressful, but also very amazing. Well, this picture under, I think, sums it all up about how I feel and what I've been for the past six months.

Three months earlier before whatever finally happened like you see on the picture above, I was just a grateful kid, who just finally graduated high school and got into a hopefully right faculty on the right university. His mind is full of things like, What the heck? I graduated already? So things just went like usual, but on one night, one offer changed it all.

I don't remember the exact date of the "night", but I remember it was on September. Before telling you about the "night", I want to explain you something. There is a lot of extraculliculer activities here on the university I am attending and of all them, there are two extraculliculer activities that I got interested the most, choir and marching band. So, I signed up and got in to those. Nah, this night is one of the night at the regular practice of the marching band that I attended. 

The regular practice went regularly at first, but then I was taken out of the line of the new member of the marching band they usually call Cadets. It was this man, we called him Beto, who took me out of the line and asked to have a little conversation with me that night. I was a little confused, but then agreed anyway. And after that, the conversation went from asking what I wanted to play, and went to finally asked me to join the "main team" for the Grand Prix Marching Band, an annual marching band competition held in Jakarta, which that year would be held on December 27th to 29th. I pictured a lot of good things I would got if I agreed to the offer, like prestige, thropy, a victory, and got tempted of those things. And because of that, I agreed to the offer and joined the "main team".

Four months before the D-day, "God, I can't stand it!"

That first month was very stressing and tiring. I was weak, physically, and I got into something really physical. So, in that first month, I got sick a lot. I worried my parents a lot. My body aches in a lot of place. I was so tired everyday that I couldn't focus on most of the class at campus. I got a lot of assignments from the lecturer and also from the senior, but when I got home I was just too tired to do anything so I just fell asleep. All of that just increased my stress level that month. I really couldn't stand it and really wanted to quit. But I didn't.

Three months before the D-day, I finally decided to go on just to fulfill my duties.

The next month was actually the same, but with different mental condition. Physically, I was still weak, well probably I am. So, I still got sick a lot. My parents were on Mecca so I didn't worry them a lot. My body still ached at a lot of place. But I seemed to manage my stress level better that month. So, if I was not that physically strong for this, why didn't I decide to quit? Well, I almost did. I even talked to the man who took me out of the line at the beginning of the first month but I just couldn't find a good reason to, and most of all, I just couldn't dissapoint people. So I decided to keep going, but not wholeheartedly. Every day in every practice, I cursed the time for running very slowly, that I really wanted to get over this as fast as possible. Practices passed by without giving me any feeling but the tiredness and aches all over my body. I got nothing. So, these month, I deeply regretted my decision not to quit the previous month. However, I do not regret it now, in the point of fact, I feel grateful. 

Seven days before the D-day, I talked to myself "Come on, you've been this far, just give your best of it. Just give it all out."

And I did. I gave it all. But what scared me the most, was what they call Final Training Center, ten days, away from home. I was hard, for me because I am a home-based kid. I never went away from home that long. However, like I said before, I gave it all out. The first day of the training center was not that bad.  With every day and every practice that week, I started to feel something. I felt the love, and the passions, really big on the field. I thought to myself that time might go very fast that week. And it did. The time, finally got me to the D-1. That day, we're having a little motivation from one great man we called Kak Ronald, and there was moment at the time where every member of the team went randomly through the room and hugged each other. Almost everybody cried, well I didn't. I looked around and I thought, these people had worked their best for the past four months and they finally got there. I felt like a jerk at that moment. I mean, who I was to ruin this great team. So I prayed, "God, give us the victory. If it was not for me, then for them." And then after that, I cried.

The next three days were the D-days, and it went as fast as anything could ever be. The D-day started with this thing we called The Parking Lot, where we warmed up and fullband-ed on the parking lot outside the Istora buiding, with everbody, from our friends, our family, and even strangers, stopping by and watching. The next thing was dressing up, "apel"-something like rollcall, line up, and finally performed inside the Istora. The performance was twelve minutes, and it felt very fast. The after-show at the first day we perfomed was very amazing. Everybody cheered, and happy. Smile and laugh was everywhere. It was fun, I thought. On Sunday, however, the after-show was not that cheerful, but just as happy. Laugh was lesser but the smile was still there. It was really full of emotion. There was a different sincerity than what I felt on the first after-show. Everybody shared the same feeling. Happy, because finally it all ended amazingly, and also sad because it all ended. Everybody cried at the moment, including me.

So, in the end, I got all the things I pictured at the night the man who took me out of the line offered me to play on the "main team". I got the prestige. I mean, a freshman who has brought a trophy to the university? That's the prestige. I got the victory, and also the trophy. But what I didn't think I would got was this family. In this very end I want to say thank you. Thank you to Beto, for taking me out of the line, for keeping me from quitting. I'm glad, and I'm grateful that you did. Thank you also for Madahbahana UI, low-brass especially, for giving such an amazing experience, for being my friends, for the love, and for the trophies. And I think I also owe you a huge and deep apology, for not giving me my best from the beginning. I'm sorry

I'm sorry also for all of my friends outside the marching band for being very ignorant the past four months, or maybe the whole last year (hehe). I couldn't even reply to all of the birthday wishes I got on twitter. I'm sorry, and thank you also for the wishes. 

However, this is a new year anyway, so Happy New Year! Hope you got an amazing year this year. And the last apology. I am sorry, for being very amazing. hahahahaha no, I was kidding. Well..., I'm not :)

I want and in fact, I yearn to be healed.

I want to quote – or much properly to be called, repost a writing, originally written by Alanda Kariza on her blog, because it feels like right advise of what I feel recently.

That just happened

by Alanda Kariza

We grew up. Yes, that just happened.

Every single thing in life that happens so slowly, yet so constantly, never fail to brag to us on how we would never, ever notice that it had happened. Growing up. Finishing school. Falling in love. Losing a friend. Learning how to drive. Writing papers. Obtaining lessons from life. Then, we might go: what the hell? I’ve finished school already? 

Sometimes, we might want to ask why, why did time betray us? But then, where have we been all this time – when life was happening in our life? Yet, we will try to go back to words, pictures, conversations, memories… to relive what happened, to relive what we thought we have never experienced. But we have. Though we might forget to realise it.

You know what comes up next? The thought of realising that sometimes, words delude us. Nah, often times than not, they do. So do pictures. Memories. Conversations. Trying to encourage us to live in the past. To go back to school again, learn to drive again. To grow up once again.

Better yet. Most of us want to fall for its beauty. We want – in fact, we yearn to be deluded. But, would you? Would you sacrifice your real present to be deluded with what you thought was so good you would never ever experience again?

I probably wouldn’t.

I wouldn't, either.

But let me add a few thoughts of mine. I agree that sometimes, we want to delude ourselves because our real present is not as good as we expect. My thought is that it is not good to drown in that delusion of our past. But please, do remember also that past, in pictures, memories, or conversations, actually was not meant to delude, but to heal. Its beauty in memories, with every detail just like the smell, the feel, the people around, the conversation or the interaction with them, is so powerful that it can really heal, in the present. So, just the same as every other thing in life, our past will be good if it used in the right way. Leave the delusion part, and just fall for its beauty.

So yes indeed, I really want to fall for its beauty, that is so beautiful it makes you want to cry. I want and, in fact, i yearn to be healed.

special credits to:
Alanda Kariza
on http://alandakariza.com/that-just-happened/

Soundtrack Of The Day

To Build A Home

by The Cinematic Orchestra

There is a house built out of stone

Wooden floors, walls and window sills

Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust

This is a place where I don't feel alone

This is a place where I feel at home

And I built a home

For you

For me

Until it disappeared

From me

From you

And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust

(Instrumental)

Out in the garden where we planted the seeds

There is a tree that's old as me

Branches were sewn by the colour of green

Ground had arose and passed its knees

By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top

I climbed the tree to see the world

When the gusts came around to blow me down

I held on as tightly as you held onto me

I held on as tightly as you held onto me

And I built a home

For you

For me

Until it disappeared

From me

From you

And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust

An artwork like this, that's made with and by the heart, very beautifully touching, and very emotional, is hard to find, nowadays (thanks to Step Up Revolution for introducing me and the world to this song). The music is beautiful, and the lyrics are breathtaking. Two thumbs up!

"This song makes me feel happy to be sad"

                 -someone on youtube (beth0k)

A Simple Way To Start A Year

Ada banyak cara untuk menyambut tahun yang baru. Jalan-jalan? Kumpul-kumpul? Nonton film? Buku? Lagu? Cara saya jauh lebih sederhana. Saya ingin mengawali tahun ini dengan sebuah puisi. 

Jembatan Usia

karya: Dewi "Dee" Lestari

Bertambahnya usia bukan berarti kita paham segala. 

Pohon besar tumbuh mendekati langit dan menjauhi tanah.

Namun masih ingatkah ia dengan sepetak tanah mungil waktu masih kerdil dulu? 

Masih pahamkah ia akan semesta kecil ketika semut serdadu bagaikan kereta raksasa dan setetes embun seolah bola kaca dari surga, tatkala ia tak peduli akan pola awan di langit dan tak kenal tiang listrik? 

Waktu kecil dulu, kupu-kupu masih sering hinggap di pucuknya. 

Kini burung besar bahkan bersangkar di ketiaknya, kawanan kelelawar menggantungi buahnya. 

Namun jangan sekali-kali ia merendahkan kupu-kupu yang hanya menggeliat di tapaknya, karena mendengar bahasanya pun ia tak mampu lagi. 

Setiap jenjang memiliki dunia sendiri, yang selalu dilupakan ketika umur bertambah tinggi. 

Tak bisa kembali ke kacamata yang sama bukan berarti kita lebih mengerti dari yang semula. 

Rambut putih tak menjadikan kita manusia yang segala tahu. 

Dapatkah kita kembali mengerti apa yang ditertawakan bocah kecil atau yang digejolakkan anak belasan tahun seiring dengan kecepatan zaman yang melesat meninggalkan? 

Karena kita tumbuh ke atas tapi masih dalam petak yang sama. 

Akar kita tumbuh ke dalam dan tak bisa terlalu jauh ke samping. 

Selalu tercipta kutub-kutub pemahaman yang tak akan bertemu kalau tidak dijembatani. 

Jembatan yang rendah hati, bukan kesombongan diri

Karya Dee selalu membuat saya kagum. Tapi yang satu ini benar-benar pas. Terkadang, ada beberapa pikiran dan pendapat yang muncul secara acak di otak. Dan seringkali, karya-karya manusia lain seperti film, lagu, atau puisi bisa membantu kita menyusun pikiran-pikiran acak tersebut. Untuk pikiran-pikiran acak saya sekarang, sekali lagi yang satu ini benar-benar pas.

Sebagai orang yang cuma punya enam bulan sisa masa SMA, kemana-mana rasanya galau. Coba mikir ke depan, galau kuliah dan UN; coba mikir tentang angkatan dan SMANSA, galau udah mau pisah; ujung-ujungnya bakal galau mikirin masa lalu. Ini untuk pertama kalinya tiga tahun sekolah bisa meninggalkan banyak banget rasa dan kenangan. Tapi, pikiran mengenai ini cuma bener-bener random, yang sebenernya justru bukan tentang galau, tapi tentang intropeksi.

Kita tumbuh, dan seiring dengan itu, kita lebih mengenal dunia. Dari pengalaman mengenai itu, saya bisa menyimpulkan bahwa adalah sifat alami manusia untuk menjadi lebih sombong seiring dengan semakin banyaknya ia mengenal dunia. Di SMA, saya dan mungkin juga berjuta-juta orang lain berada pada puncak kesombongan. Pada sebagian orang, puncak ini mungkin hanyalah puncak kecil di perjalanannya menuju puncak tertinggi. Bagi sebagian lainnya, puncak ini hanyalah satu-satunya puncak yang pernah ia daki, hanya sebagai pengalaman agar tidak lagi mendaki puncak salah yang sama .Saya sedang berada di puncak itu, dan sangat ingin turun.

Layaknya pohon tinggi yang telah bisa melihat segalanya dari atas, saya pun merasa telah bisa melihat seluruh dunia. Dalam pandangan saya, apa yang dibincangkan dan ditertawakan oleh anak-anak bercelana biru dan merah itu tidaklah penting. Karena saya telah melihat lapisan yang lebih atas yang menurut saya lebih penting. Saya merasa telah begitu mengerti dunia, tapi layaknya sebuah pohon tinggi yang tidak lagi mengenal semut serdadu dan bola kaca dari langit, saya tidak lagi paham yang mereka tertawa dan bincangkan. Jadi, berpikir telah memahami segalanya seperti itu, tidaklah bijak bukan?

Jadi sesederhana itu sebuah pikiran yang mungkin gak lebih dari satu menit bisa berubah menjadi sebegitu rumit. Bukan tentang galau, teman, tapi intropeksi: tidak ada lagi sombong karena sudah senior, dan tidak ada lagi sombong karena sudah jadi anak SMA. Dan berkaitan dengan itu, yang saya rasakan adalah rindu. Rindu klasik anak kecil yang beranjak dewasa, rindu pulang dengan matahari benar-benar di atas kepala dengan celana biru, atau polos bermain dengan celana merah, atau rindu dunia yang cuma sesederhana puzzle, ayunan, dan jungkat-jungkit. Semakin jauh melihat balik, yang saya lihat adalah dunia yang semakin polos. Dan sejujurnya, sekarang dunia sedang butuh orang-orang yang jujur, kan? ya itu orang-orang polos.

Sederhana. Sesederhana itu sebuah puisi bisa membawa manusia tenggelam dalam pikirannya. Sesederhana itu sebuah puisi memicu manusia untuk mengintropeksi. Sesederhana itu puisi membuat manusia rindu. Ya, sesederhana semut serdadu yang bagaikan kereta raksasa dan setetes embun yang seolah bola kaca dari surga.

Huge Introspection:

Beberapa waktu setelah Ujian Tengah Semester kemaren, gue sempet galau dan nulis-nulis ngasal yang ujung2nya berakhir di draft. Niatnya bener-bener mau di publish, tapi gua urungkan. Dan sekarang, setelah agak lama, gua akhirnya memutuskan untuk publish postingan ini. Inilah tulisan galau gua (yang tentunya udah mengalami sedikit edit sana sini).

Ada momen-momen dalam hidup, yang sering kali mencerahkan. Momen-momen ini datang seketika, dan sekejap, seperti angin sejuk yang berhembus di padang pasir yang gersang, sesaat tapi menyejukkan; atau seperti coklat hangat di tengah musim dingin, yang sejenak menghangatkan. Momen-momen ini, seperti yang dibilang oleh Andrea Hirata dalam Edensor, adalah relatif. Momen-momen yang sama bisa datang ke semua orang, tapi seberapa besar momen itu berpengaruh, relatif berbeda satu sama lain. Setiap orang bisa mendapatkan banyak momen, namun tak juga kunjung tercerahkan. Namun bagi yang beruntung, momen singkat bisa amat mencerahkan seperti mutiara. Jika di dalam Edensor, Andrea mengatakan bahwa mutiara dalam hidupnya ada bersama Weh, maka mutiara dalam hidup gue ada bersama air, yang mengalir tepat dari ujung rambut sampai ke kaki. Jadi, momen-momen yang mencerahkan bisa datang ke siapa aja, dengan cara apa aja, dan dimana aja, termasuk, di dalam kasus gue, ada di bawah pancuran.

To make it clear, simaklah sebuah kicauan dari @9GAG yang gue retweet beberapa waktu yang lalu:

Taking 30 minutes to shower, because you like to stand there, under the hot water, just thinking about life.

Jadi pada momen di bawah pancuran hari ini, yang nyatanya gak lebih dari 15 menit, gue melakukan introspeksi besar-besaran. Apa, mengapa, dan berbagai pertanyaan lainnya yang mungkin akan muncul di pikiran kalian lah, yang akan menjadi topik utama dalam postingan kali ini.

Kenapa sekarang, dan kenapa di bawah pancuran?
Gue mengalami minggu yang padat, dan penuh dengan stres. Stres ini datang secara tiba-tiba dan intens. Akhirnya, gue melarikan diri untuk mencari kesenangan, atau lebih frontalnya, hura-hura. Lima hari terakhir, gue mencari-cari kesempatan untuk berhura-hura ria setiap harinya, bersama orang-orang yang berbeda. Alhasil, gua menghamburkan begitu banyak uang untuk kehura-huraan ini, dan yang membuatnya terlihat tambah menyedihkan, bukan uang gue sendiri, melainkan didapatkan dari orangtua. Ini membawa perubahan besar yang amat mencolok pada diri gue, dan memicu banyak reaksi di teman-teman gue. Lo banyak berubah, ya Bim. Sekarang sering banget hedon. Gila, berapa banyak uang yang lo hambur-hamburin minggu ini. Reaksi-reaksi ini kemudian berubah menjadi pikiran, dan pikiran-pikiran ini terus berputar-putar menghantui gue sepanjang perjalanan pulang gue hari ini. Ketika gue sampai di rumah, kemudian memutuskan untuk mandi, maka semuanya pecah. Semua pikiran itu meledak dan keluar seiring dengan air yang mengalir. Itulah alasanya kenapa sekarang, dan kalau ditanya kenapa di bawah pancuran, ya karena waktu-waktu di bawah pancuran adalah waktu-waktu dimana kalian ga dituntut untuk berfikir tentang apapun kecuali tentang hidup kalian sendiri.

Trus, apa sih masalah sebenarnya?
Masalah utamanya, sebenernya bukan pada perilaku hedonisnya itu sendiri. Kalo boleh jujur, gue gak begitu menentang dan mengharuskan apa yang dibilang orang sebagai perilaku hedonisme (sebenernya bukan hedonsime sih, tapi lebih ke hura-hura) ini untuk dihilangkan total dari kehidupan sehari-hari. Masalah utamanya adalah gue takut, bahwa hedonisme minggu ini, yang membuat gue mengeluarkan begitu banyak uang, gak sebanding dengan produktivitas gue. Berhubung dua minggu ini gue sedang menjalani Ujian Tengah Semester, maka produktivitasnya dilihat dari nilai-nilai ujian gue. Produktivitasnya masih bener-bener abstrak, dan probabilitasnya masing sangat banyak. Dan probabilitas terendah yang mungkin akan gua dapatkan adalah produktivitas yang rendah (amit-amit). Ketika gue berfikir tentang uang, kemudian kepada produktivitas itu sendiri, yang terbayang pertama kali adalah wajah orang tua gue. Produktivitas rendah namun pengeluaran tinggi bisa menjadi sumber kekecewaan yang utama, dan membayangkan wajah orang tua gue penuh dengan kekecewaan adalah hal terburuk yang bisa gue dapatkan. Di momen inilah, akhirnya gue membiarkan air mata gue mengalir bersama dengan air dari pancuran.

Jadi, apa selanjutnya?
Langkah ke depannya, adalah berdo'a supaya produktivitas gue dalam UTS ini, bisa sebanding dengan pengeluaran seminggu kemarin (plis, saling mendoakan), dan juga sedikit kontrol diri dalam masalah keuangan.

Ada beberapa kesimpulan yang bisa ditarik dari intropeksi besar-besaran ini. Yang pertama, remaja memang bener-bener labil. Gue udah berusaha mencanangkan prinsip-prinsip agar kehidupan gue berjalan dengan baik, namun terbukti, gue hanya terbawa arus pikiran seminggu kemarin seperti orang tak berprinsip. Yang kedua, hura-hura itu seperti obat. Dalam jumlah sedikit ia mengobati, dalam jumlah (terlalu) besar ia membunuh.

Found An Epicness Inside The Stream: FUN

Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck 

Some nights I call it a draw 

Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle

Some nights I wish they'd just fall off 

 But I still wake up, I still see your ghost 

Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for oh 

What do I stand for? What do I stand for? 

Most nights I don't know anymore... 

This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for? 

Why don't we break the rules already? 

I was never one to believe the hype 

Save that for the black and white 

I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked,

But here they come again to jack my style 

That's alright; I found a martyr in my bed tonight 

She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am, who I am Oh, who am I?

Well, some nights I wish that this all would end 

'Cause I could use some friends for a change.

And some nights I'm scared you'll forget me again 

Some nights I always win, I always win... 

 But I still wake up, I still see your ghost 

Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh 

What do I stand for? What do I stand for? 

Most nights I don't know... 

(oh, come on) So this is it. I sold my soul for this? 

Washed my hands of that for this? 

I miss my mom and dad for this? 

 (Come on) No. When I see stars, when I see, when I see stars, that's all they are 

When I hear songs, they sound like this one, so come on. 

Oh, come on. Oh, come on. Oh, come on! 

Well, that is it guys, that is all - five minutes in and I'm bored again 

Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands 

This one is not for the folks at home;

Sorry to leave, mom, I had to go 

Who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun? 

 My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she called "love" 

When I look into my nephew's eyes... 

Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from... 

Some terrible lies... 

The other night you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me 

I called you up but we'd both agree 

It's for the best you didn't listen It's for the best we keep our distance... 

It's for the best we didn't listen It's for the best we keep our distance... 

Book Review #1: Dee's AKAR

Hari ini, dengan kecepatan baca kilat (hanya menghabiskan waktu satu hari), akhirnya gue menyelesaikan "Akar"nya Dee, yang dipinjam dari seorang teman dan sudah lama numpuk di daftar tunggu baca. Ada sebuah impresi yang sangat kuat tertinggal setelah gue menyelesaikannya tadi siang. Masih jelas terbayang-bayang sang karakter utama Bodhi, yang bukan hanya seorang anak jalanan tak berharga, tapi adalah seseorang yang telah mengalami pengalaman dan perjalanan hidup yang panjang nan sulit namun bermakna dan menggenapkan. Impresi yang dari tadi terus menggelantungi otak gue, pada akhirnya mendorong si otak ini agar menggerakkan sang pemilik, (which is obviously ME!) untuk membuat review singkat mengenai buku tersebut. Dan inilah review saya mengenai Akar, yang pada dasarnya terdiri dari tiga inti, yaitu kronologis dari awal gue meminjam buku tersebut sampai tamat membacanya, kemudian ke penilaian mengenai isi buku itu sendiri, dan berakhir pada buku versi yang mana yang recommended untuk dibaca.

Impresi kuat dari Akar tersebut sebenarnya dibawah ekspektasi gue, karena justru buku "Supernova" sebelumnya, "Ksatria, Putri, dan Bintang Jatuh", meninggalkan impresi yang jauh lebih kuat dan lebih dalam. Malah, ketika awal membaca Akar, gue sempet berhenti karena kecewa atas ekspektasi yang gak terpenuhi. Kemudian gue menganggurkan buku ini berbulan-bulan, sampai akhirnya beberapa hari yang lalu, teman sebangku yang sudah sekelas 4 tahun (dari MOPD dan ga pisah-pisah sampe sekarang kelas 3), Bujang, bilang dia sudah menamatkan Akar dan merekomendasikannya dengan amat sangat kepada gue. Nah dari situlah akhirnya gue mulai baca (lagi) dan menemukan sesuatu yang lain di Akar. Berbeda bentuk dari pada karya Supernova-nya yang pertama, namun meninggalkan kesan dan makna yang hampir sama besar. Jadi, kronologinya berawal dari sebuah ketidakpuasan, kemudian berakhir pada sebuah kesan penuh makna.

Yah, gimanapun juga, Dee tetap selalu memikat di setiap karya-karyanya. Pada karyanya yang satu ini, Dee membawa pembaca menyelami bahasanya yang kadang rumit namun dapat berubah menjadi sangat santai. Terkadang kita dibuat berpikir, dengan metaforanya yang melibatkan hal-hal asing tak terduga yang janggal dalam kehidupan sehari-hari. Namun, sering pula pembacanya dibuat santai, dibawanya dengan halus mengarungi cerita demi cerita, sampai akhirnya terkejut sendiri ketika menemukan kembali bagian-bagian metaforanya Dee yang janggal tapi unik dan mengesankan. Tapi membacanya memang butuh energi dan niat yang ekstra, soalnya 200 halaman keseluruhan buku hanya dibagi ke dalam tiga keping dan sekitar 150-an halaman diantaranya dipadatkan menjadi satu bab. Jadi, memang seperti membaca novel tanpa bab, yang bagi sebagian orang bisa jadi sangat membosankan. Tapi gue suka, dan merekomendasikannya kepada teman-teman yang bener-bener suka baca, apalagi yang suka sastra.

Nah, sekarang di tahun 2012 ini, setelah Dee mengeluarkan debut Supernova terbarunya, Partikel, semua seri Supernova termasuk di dalamnya Akar dicetak ulang dan diterbitkan dengan cover yang sepenuhnya berbeda, dan berwarna seragam: hitam. Isi di dalamnya tidak banyak berubah, hanya Dee memperjelas setiap keterangan tempat beserta tahun, dan ada beberapa detil lain yang sedikit berubah, mungkin lebih untuk kenyamanan pembaca. Gue, bedasarkan pendapat sendiri, lebih merekomendasikan untuk membaca versi yang lama, karena perubahan detil seperti penggunaan tanda kutip, ataupun penambahan detil tahun dan tempat membawa banyak perubahan suasana pembaca. Pada versi yang lama, pembaca dibawa hanyut dalam misteri yang sering kali menggantung. Memang sensasi ini lah yang gue cari dari karya-karyanya Dee, yang sedikit banyak hilang dengan penambahan detil-detil tertentu pada versi yang lebih baru.

foto cover Akar (kanan: versi cetakan baru; kiri: versi cetakan lama)

“Sungai menjadi jalan pulangnya ke rumah tak berwadak, tapi ia selalu tahu di mana harus mengetuk pintu” ― Dee, Supernova: Akar

The Best Education

"You must know that there's nothing higher, or stronger, or sounder, or more useful afterwards in life, than some good memory, especially a memory from childhood, from the parental home. You hear a lot said about your education, yet some such beautiful, sacred memory, preserved from childhood, is perhaps the best education."

Dostoevsky's

The Brother Karamazov

My family had planned to not do "mudik" this year, like we always had the last three years after my grandmother, the last grand-generation in my family, passed away. My mother said that it was not necessary to go there since we don't have anyone to visit anymore and also since my two brothers have happily married, and they will do this "mudik" thing to my house to visit my parents on the Ied moment. So she felt that it was better we stayed here, while my mom and dad enjoyed their moments of being grandparents.

But, yeah we did "mudik" anyway, all in a sudden.

On the second morning of Ied, my father suddenly told me that we are going to go. He has booked a train ticket for the departure, then also a plane ticket back to Jakarta all in a sudden. It was such a very good luck on us that we still got tickets this late. So, all in a sudden, I packed my clothes, my stuffs, and all in a sudden, we did "mudik" anyway.

So, by train it was an 12 hours going. We arrived in Madiun (East Java), at 2 o'clock in the morning. Although my grandparent's house is in the middle of the city, the air was very cold that I was shivering all the way from the station to the house. However, besides all of this coldness and shivering things, the city's look at night really impressed me. It was so calm, so quite, and with the traffic light that at that time only showed the color of yellow, the nightlife at this city has been perfectly amazing. I still love those blue and white striped sidewalk (does not like the one in Jakarta, with only black and white stripe), and the big road with an advertisement billboard crossing over the road. I love the town, for probably some reasons that was not make sense at all.

But it is make sense to me now.

It started to make sense to me one night, in a park.

The next night, I was going around the city with my cousins buying some fried rice for the dinner and also kue putu for snacks, then walking around the big park in the very middle of the city that they usually call alun-alun. It was awesomely crowded, with a lot of booms from firecrackers and fireworks everywhere. There were also a lot of kids, and also family playing around. Then I heard this conversation a boy and his father.

Pa, kita pulang besok?

Iya, nak.

Aku gak mau pulang, pa.

Then I realized I used to be that boy, begging and even crying to my parents to stay there longer.

When I was a kid, Ramadhan had been something that I really waited for. There were two main reasons of it. First, because in that month, I got a chance to play more at night after tarawih prayer. Second, because in the end of the month, we will do this "mudik" thing, and had a lot of fun from it. There in the city, I saw the big love of my big family. Every morning, we greeted each other, we had breakfast together, we talked together for hours, we were sleeping in a very limited place because the house, which was not big, was overloaded with the coming of all my big family. That moment was priceless, and I will make sure that I will have that kind of family later on.

So, Dostoevsky and other wise man is right. The reason why a lot have said that childhood memory is the best education is simple: because the childhood memory, whether it is depressing, sad, or beautiful and sacred, it will stay in one's mind and heart for the rest of the life. One of the memory of the childhood for me is on those blue and white striped sidewalks. Now, whenever I go there, walk on those sidewalks, I felt like I'm home, like I used to be here, as the little boy. So in years, people can experience a lot of unpredictable thing, that is probably gonna change them, little or much. Those memories on the childhood is going to stay there, to be a reminder who, where, and with whom they were, and those memory, can also heal them whenever the "real world" hurt.

So, a memory from childhood, is perhaps the best education.

Special

I used to believe it when people say that senior high school is the most delighting moment the whole life.  On the brink of senior high school, I started to not believe it anymore. Being a student in this school (my school, actually) will make your teenage moment unimpressively pass by. You will be forced to adapt to the “real life” with a lot of assignments, deadlines (which surely make you REALLY want to dieL), with a small number of time that you will get stressed caused by it. However, I feel lucky being the part of this school, because besides all those stressing stuffs I have to face, I get this people; teachers and friends; who make me feel that all the deadlines, assignments and stresses worth the lovely and beautiful moments with those extraordinary people, and that stressing together with those people is going to be the best memory staying alive in my head, and heart for the rest of my life.

AKSI 35 Heritage, the Last Jargon of AKSI 35 Heritage, Tour de Bali Bro, Flawless SMANSA 34 (from the top)

[Courtesy: Run Production, Abrar Khairi]

Now I do believe in such a good memory. Years later, if I was depressed or stressed or even lonely, I will certainly look back to this time to remember how my life have been so incredibly extraordinary and to know that the universe will work in its way we do not understand to bond our heart even if we are thousand miles away apart. Although we are really going to grow older, meet a whole new people, feel the new atmosphere, or maybe walk on the different land, we will be still united as one in those corridor we used to walk on; or in the field on which we had made a lot of events; in the trees, leaves; or even in the big lake and under the big electricity tower on the back of our school.

“But of all these friends and lovers,

there is no one compare with you.”

-Beatles “In My Life”